You are here: world-mysteries.com » guest writers » robert herrmann
Thy Will Be Done
by Robert A. Herrmann Ph. D.
I had been associated with the occult from birth, but in 1946 when I was 12 years old, I "suddenly" became much more interested in occult manifestations and simultaneously became, what is sometimes called, a "mental giant" - indeed, a child scientist. I delved into any aspect of the occult that had any meaning for a child of my age. For two or three months, I was a superior mental telepathist. I once telepathically identified more than forty cards out of fifty-two cards from an ordinary deck of playing cards. However, suddenly I lost this particular telepathic ability, I lost the "key" so to speak. Obviously, I was brokenhearted over this state of affairs and began a long search for the lost mechanisms so as to renew this telepathic ability as well as investigating other occult manifestations. My mother was Dutch and she had been trained in Holland in the "arts" of fortune telling and palmistry. At that time in human history, as it is today, occult practices were considered "interesting" parlor games and were not assumed to be harmful. My mother worked with a standard deck of playing cards and, of course, she never received monetary rewards for these activities but practiced them "just for the fun of it." Her predictions about my future activities were almost always correct and this reinforced my belief in these occult practices. There is, of course, an obvious reason why her predictions were so correct.
Relative to science, I began at 12 years of age to work at the old Maryland Academy of Sciences in various capacities, from leading tours, to instructing in astronomy and working in the observatory; but, I was a very troubled little boy with great personality problems and often highly erratic behavior. I don't believe that I displayed my erratic nature while working for the Academy of Sciences, but I certainly made up for this "lack" outside of the scientific environment. As I recall, I was not just frightened by the opposite sex, but I was terrified by them. I now know the reason for this but will not discuss it within this testimony. I will state, however, that I often enjoyed "destroying" them emotionally by choosing the most heinous and vile language by which to express myself. I especially like to do this to my mother. Much of this behavior continued until I was fifteen years old when circumstances forced me to conceal these obvious idiosyncrasies.
To continue with this testimony, things got so bad that in 1948 at Roland Park Junior High School in Baltimore, the school authorities were considering removing me from that school and sending me to some sort of correctional institution for disturbed children due to my actions towards my female classmates and my teachers. However, the school administration noticed my apparent talent and knowledge in science and mathematics and they began their efforts to place me into a special school for "gifted" scientific intellectuals. This occurred and I was placed in the Accelerated Course of Baltimore Polytechnic Institute. At that time, "Poly" was one of the oldest and best known schools for gifted children.
Since I had failed one year in elementary school, due to reading and speech difficulties, I entered Poly at fifteen years of age and "suddenly" everything in my life began to change. I discovered that I enjoyed mental challenges, I "loved" to study long hours and learn, and the fact that Poly was at that time an all male school eliminated one of my deep, and unknown, social curses. My intellectual ability literally skyrocketed. I received every scholastic award given at Poly; I was the president of the Science Club for three years of my four year there, a member of the National Honor Society and much more. In 1953, I graduated tied academically for first place in my class with a four year average that translates into an A.
All during my high school education, and as mentioned from the age of 12 until my senior year when I was 18, I stayed with what I thought was the "scientific" occult and practiced many of its activities; always searching for additional occult manifestations. Indeed, I had found the lost telepathic key as well as the "key" to many other "remarkable" telepathic experiences. I will always remember how my mother would invite neighbors over to see me in one of my, shall we say, "trances." She would point out how my eyes seemed to glow green. This was a particularly startling effect when one considers that my eye color is gray. However, I was a follower of the Dr. Rhine school of thought and his "scientific" parapsychology concepts. Thus what I was doing was, I thought, "completely scientific" in character. I was learning how to control what I believed to be a special "supernatural" aspect of the human being, not anything related to the so-called "evil" or "good" aspect of God's incorporeal world, but rather a "higher nature" that even included a form of after-life on a "higher plane." I practiced pre-dream mental telepathy (a special process known only to a "special" few, I was told), Ouija board methods, fortune telling, held seances and hypnotized people.
One afternoon, my mother took me to meet a Mrs. Worrall at her home, a home that included an astronomical observatory. My mother claimed that Mrs. Worrall was once an assistant of some sort to Eileen Garrett. Indeed, the name Garrett was mentioned by Mrs. Worrall. Now Eileen Garrett was the foremost mental medium of her time and the founder of the Parapsychology Foundation of New York. I had many talks with Mrs. Worrall about many of her "supernatural" concepts until one afternoon when an extraordinary event occurred. That afternoon, I met Mrs. Worrall at her "church" in Baltimore. She was, as usual, dressed in a long gown with various amulets and the like. [I mention that the amulets she wore at her home during our first meetings were not all of a religious nature.] As perceived by me, the church appeared as if it was part of a horror movie. It was surrounded by a grave yard, filled with broken and ivy covered tombstones. There were dense patches of trees and bushes and portions of the church building itself were hidden from view by the ivy and undergrowth. It was in this forbidding atmosphere that Mrs. Worrall said to me "You're the most spiritually sensitive individual I've every met." She followed this observation by inviting me to join her "church" and to work with her. I now know absolutely that those that participated with Mrs. Worrall in her activities formed a modern type of (Alice Bailey) coven and, even today, practice one of the worst forms of occultism - the attempt to link occult practices with the Spirit of God. What happened next outside of her "church" was that I rebelled immediately since I recognized this as the "other" and, as I believed, "unscientific" supernatural - the Adversary verses God form. I heard a voice scream in my mind, "NO, don't do it. These people are crazy. There is no such thing as this type of supernatural. All these extra- sensory things that you have done and been exposed to have a 'scientific basis' and each human being can develop these abilities." With this voice still ringing in my head, I literally ran from that place vowing never to return. I now know from my present perspective that it was at that very moment that the Adversary really took control of my mental faculties. As I shall explain, he thought that he had won another human being and had placed him on the pathway to damnation.
It's the overt - the open - occult groups that are, especially with respect to individuals such as myself, but a tactical diversion, a smoke screen, a cover for the Adversary's real work. It's his covert - his hidden - indwelling of individuals, such as myself, that produces many of the real false prophets; the real demonically controlled minds. I know from my experiences that the Adversary is the beguiler that produces the atheist and the like. He easily controls the mind that does not believe that it can be so controlled. You see, I had learned nothing about the real incorporeal supernatural world as a child - thanks to Dr. Rhine and also the so-called "Christian" church I attended. As a child, I was forced to attended this "Christian" church, now and then, and even took a children's summer Bible study. However, I was only taught a very weak ethical Christianity and I never recall the term "supernatural" mentioned during my "religious" training. To me the Adversary was not a real spirit being that influences and often completely controls our minds. To me this was but a name associated with certain forms of nonchristian behavior.
From the age of fifteen until I was twenty-one, I attended a second after-hours school - The Children's Educational and Experimental Theatre - in Baltimore. For six years, I was taught methods in creative dramatics. This training taught me how to control completely my speech difficulties. Indeed, unknown to this school, I was being taught how to use my voice, my emotions and my intellect to control groups of individuals - to control situations and lead people down various paths that I and my controlling influence had previously chosen. I became a superior "street-actor." Now street-actors are people that can act in a continually creative manner in the real world, not just on the stage, but in real and not make-believe situations. I learned how to use my entire being to do the Adversary's work. Indeed, the only individuals that might ever see through my deceit would be highly and truly Spirit filled Christians who could discern spirits and, of course, I didn't meet many. In my ignorance, I didn't know that I was speaking the Adversaries words. But I should have known, it was my responsibility, and thus I'm totally to blame for the literal hell I was producing.
One might say that I professed a belief in "God," yes, the "wind up the universe and let it go" god, the god of a great many Christians that don't believe in the type of god that is active within the universe TODAY, the nature god of Aristotle, the atheists' god (when they don't wish to admit to atheism), the "higher nature" god. I also personally took complete credit for all of my many awards and I continued to hear and follow that "sweet" Satanic voice that was leading me into yet greater evil.
Let me "jump over" many remarkable years of covert training and the equally remarkable path down which I walked - a path that was at times very unusual and I often thought highly "miraculous." It's interesting that my mind was so clouded that I couldn't associate this "miraculous" with the Adversary's incorporeal influences. This path even supplied me with three years of experience in electronics communication - both radio and TV. You see, I was learning how to use one of the most destructive weapons in the human arsenal - the human voice and the spoken word.
After some years of effort, I had become a well-known research scientist and educator who had been purposefully placed into situations where I could successfully influence and corrupt the minds of the young. I was a "fire breathing" hater of the concept of an active supernatural God and attempted to destroy, and even physically harm, certain individuals who claimed to have a "personal relationship" with such an "absurdity," as I termed it.
When I was not pursuing my scientific endeavors, I would amuse myself by creating what I thought were new theories about the so-called "deity" of the man historically called Jesus of Nazareth. From a young high school student and for twenty-seven years thereafter, I used various intellectual and insidious devices for this purpose. Often I would cunningly contrive my logical arguments so as not to alienate those who were willing to listen to me. For example, one argument I presented in my attempt to remove deity from Jesus' character when specifically devised for a liberal Christian became: "Is it not more miraculous that an ordinary man such as Jesus could have such God given mental ability that his simple remarks would develop into the magnificent ethical system we term Christianity."
An activity such as arguing logically against the active supernatural or against associating deity with the name Jesus may seem to some Christian's to be somewhat insignificant. However, my antichristian activities were not confined to intellectual endeavors. I allowed my character to be expanded to include, what can only be termed as, depravity. I used numerous overt and covert methods for my heinous "work." And, more importantly, I took great pride in and obtained considerable enjoyment from my attempts to destroy individuals - literally. I slowly became an extremely vile and dangerous individual; while being totally unconcerned as to the welfare of my family. Yes, God had given me some remarkable talents; yet, I was becoming indwelt by Evil and was relinquishing my will to him.
Among those individuals that I would first need to completely destroy was my wife. If the Adversary could not destroy her and my children through my direct efforts, how could I continue to destroy others? I shall leave out the details. It's enough to say that I used every means possible to corrupt and mentally and physically destroy. Moreover, the Adversary so distorts our minds that I was not even slightly aware of my wife's condition. I found out only after the veil was lifted that by March 1977 medical examination had revealed that if things continued in the same manner then my wife had only a short time to live. Yes, it's true, I was slowly murdering her for reasons that God has now revealed to me. I would have done the same to my two daughters after doing unspeakable things to them, of that I am sure.
In 1977, my wife brought my budding antichrist activities to an end. Without my having any knowledge of her pending actions, during the morning hours of 6 April 1977, my wife correctly removed herself and our children from my immediate influence. At noon, I went to my car in the parking lot of the U. S. Naval Academy and found a short cryptic note on the front seat. It said something to the effect that in order to protect herself and our children from my depraved behavior, she had moved out of the house and taken the children out of my grasp. I had no idea what this message meant until I reached my house for Evil so clouds your mind that the obvious is often not perceived. Upon entering, I experienced personally one consequence of my vile actions for I found my wife, my children and all of their belongings gone. Then suddenly Evil completely engulfed my being until the afternoon hours of April 7.
I recall finding myself sitting in a rocking chair staring blankly out of the front windows. I suddenly felt so completely alone, so lost. I had been correctly forced into a corner with but two possible choices. One was complete debasement, death and everlasting damnation. The second choice presented itself in the following manner. As I sat there, I turned about and discovered that exactly one book had been left behind in the living room area. A book that had been purposely left on the only remaining table in the hopes that I might begin to read it - seriously. It seems that I had destroyed every piece of Scripture that had come into my hands, with but one forgotten exception - a free copy of the Bible sent to me by the American Bible Society. When I picked up this singular volume, it fell open to Matthew 5. While slowly reading the entire chapters 5, 6, 7, it occurred to me that if I had only but attempted to follow the principles outlined by Jesus, then this terrible personal tragedy could not have occurred.
Immediately following this "revelation" something unexpected happened. In a fraction of a second, thirty years of the deepest intellectual reflection and personal deception evaporated. All of my scientific knowledge and experience in such areas as logic, word-forms, mathematical modeling and the like, led me instantly to one irrefutable conclusion. No ordinary human being could ever have spoken these words and phrases in the form related to us by Matthew. These combinations of words and phrases could only have been spoken by God.
I said out loud, "Jesus, I believe!! I believe that you are God. Oh!, take me God and do whatever you want with me." Then as I cried and cried the atmosphere about me became heavy, yet tranquil. I felt "something" pressing in upon me externally, as well as another but different sensation within my lonely spirit - a sensation I had never experienced before. I was being wrapped up - literally - by an indescribable "love" that signified that I was not alone and that Jesus was near at hand.
From April 7, 1977 through August 1978, my exposure to active Christianity was very superficial. I was not a student of the Scriptures but followed the general pronouncements of "electronic church." Indeed, I did not recognize at that time that all during this period there was a remarkable amount of spiritual warfare taking place. The Adversary was about to loose one of his well trained anti-Christs. With three exceptions, I will not, in this brief testimony, detail the events although they might make for an interesting "horror" movie. I simply mention that I went through a brief period of "hysterical blindness" and had two suicide attempts miraculously thwarted.
In the fall of 1978, various members of the Mathematics Department at the USNA invited me to join a noon time Bible study. They were about to embark upon an in-depth study of C. S. Lewis' "Mere Christianity." Simultaneously, I was studying a Russian paper in mathematical logic and, one sunny September Saturday, God directly implanted a remarkable idea. It might be possible to couple a notion from this Russian paper and my expertise in the new mathematical area of Nonstandard Analysis in order to obtain a non-numerical mathematical model for various aspects of the logic, word-forms and descriptions for certain psychological phenomena. A few days later, another idea miraculously occurred to me. Some basic descriptions used by C. S. Lewis could also be mathematically modeled by this same process. God's grace allowed me to work diligently upon this new project, to study and personally investigate the applicable descriptive content of the Scriptures. Jesus started to use my knowledge, my experiences, my training and abilities for His purposes.
God forced his ideas into my mind. He was literally changing my mental patterns and His supernatural power led me into new knowledge and its wise application. During this period many of the most important mathematical processes, generally called "Mathematical Philosophy," came into being. And today, I continue to apply these new mathematical processes to many distinct secular and theological subjects, as well as studying the most ancient extant copies of the Scriptures. My walk with God and my increase in God's wisdom has further progressed beyond anything anticipated. He has not only healed me from physical ailments but has allowed me deep understanding of many of His concepts and supernatural processes. So, what does all of this truly illustrate? I am a living example of the ultimate grace of God, of Jesus. Of how Jesus can take the most depraved, evil and hate filled 42 year old intellectual, and miraculously produce a remarkable and everlasting change throughout his entire physical, mental and spiritual being. I continue to mature and more and more apply the wisdom God is according me. Reflecting upon the experiences that have occurred to me since I literally gave myself to our Lord, I am confident that what you have just read is ample evidence of the amazing, amazing grace of Jesus, our Lord, and our one and only Saviour.
7 June 1996.
If you wish, you can e-mail the author with your comments or questions. He will only answer significant e-mail that has the subject heading GID.
Dr. Robert A. Herrmann is a Professor of Mathematics at the United States Naval Academy. Visit his website: http://www.serve.com/herrmann/main.html
Copyright © 2004 by Robert A. Herrmann Ph. D.
Copyright 2004 by World-Mysteries.com
Visitors since May 12, 2004